Tantra teaches us how to approach sex in a conscious and connected way, as opposed to the kind of sex which is born of the automatic following of impulses and is used as an escape. Tantric massage is a mindful erotic massage that helps the massage recipient connect deeply with their body, emotions, and mind, in order to create a blissful, holistic, and liberating experience.

When you receive a tantric massage from me you’ll have your whole body massaged, including your genitals, and will be guided on how to connect more powerfully into your experience along the way.

So what does it mean for an erotic massage to be “mindful”?

It’s usually the case what when we get a massage, when we have sex or masturbate, or when we are just going about our daily lives, that our minds are on autopilot. As thoughts emerge in our mind, our focus automatically is drawn to them, and it continues to go back and forth between each new thought as they appear. We also usually don’t even recognize that this is happening - especially during sex.

The number one reported sexual issue that men have is that they feel their minds are too busy during sex, which distracts them from enjoying the experience as fully as possible. It’s common for queer men to have thoughts that make them feel anxious, guilty, or shameful, or even for them to be thinking about their life outside of sex (about work, relationships, etc.) while attempting to be intimate. It’s also the case that the more our focus is automatically drawn to and captivated by our thoughts, the more the thoughts are empowered, and the noisier the mind will appear.

Tantra gives us a powerful strategy for working with a busy mind during sex, which is to adopt a and that is to become skillful at recognizing where our attention is going (usually to thoughts as they appear), and then to redirect our attention to where we want to place it. This is the essence of a mindful approach to both sex and life: to be mindful of where your attention is, and how you are using it.

While there are many rewarding layers of the sexual experience we can learn to focus on, perhaps the most transformative place to begin this practice with is with our bodies.

An important practice in Tantra is that of bodily awareness - learning to stay aware of all of one’s body during sex. In this practice we easily shift our focus away from our thoughts and keep it in our body. While we focus on our body we might loosely feel all of our body at once, noticing its shape, its weight, its posture, how our breathing is, the rate of our heartbeats, and if our muscles feel relaxed or if they are holding tension. We might also move our awareness to focus on one specific part of our body in order to connect with it more fully.

Many times when we have sex we only have a little awareness on the sensations in our genitals. In Tantra we work to stay aware of the whole body, and to expand our erogenous zones from our genitals to include our entire body. The more you stay aware of your body and become curious about it, the more you will find that you derive great pleasure from lesser-explored places: your ears, behind your knees, in the spots between your fingers and toes, and more. Everyone is wired differently, so you will have to learn what parts of your body light you up by exploring it with both awareness and touch.

For the purposes of this tantric massage, I recommend that you treat the entire massage as a bodily awareness practice. As I work on all parts of your body with various techniques, just do your best to keep your awareness in your body instead of letting your attention drift back your thoughts. While you focus on your body you can shift between noticing it as a whole and following the movements of touch on your skin. As you use your focus to follow the movements, allow yourself to really feel every touch as fully and deeply as you can. This will help you maximize your pleasure and relaxation.

Often times when men are being sexually pleasured, very unconsciously they begin to tense their muscles, especially the muscles in the groin area. This tensing leads to the hips thrusting and buckling, as well as other movements from the body. In this massage I’m going to encourage you to keep your body fully relaxed while I pleasure you as it will help you: feel the sensations more deeply, have better ejaculation control, and move your sexual energy more effectively. You may notice that there are times when your body wants to tense in response to the pleasure, and that is ok! Just do your best to bring yourself back to a state of total relaxation as soon as you notice that you are holding tension. Taking some deep breaths and really using the exhalation to release the tension can be quite effective.

In Tantra we learn to play both the receptive and active roles as fully as we can during sex. These roles don’t have to do with “topping” or “bottoming,” but instead speak to the quality of how you are engaging with your parter: are you relaxing and allowing yourself to truly receive the touch of another, or are you assuming the active role where you are completely focused on the needs of your parter? In this massage I put you in the receptive state where you are only focused on connecting with yourself and feeling the sensations of touch as deeply as you can. In order to feel the touch more powerfully, it’s best to relax into the sensations of touch rather than meeting them with muscle flexion. The more you relax the deeper you will notice the touch penetrating your body and even your emotions.

Remaining fully relaxed also helps you have greater ejaculation control, as the tightening of the muscles (especially the ones in the groin) are one of the main causes of ejaculation. The other main causes are the shortening of the breath, and the stagnation of sexual energy in the groin area. We will address both the breath and the movement of energy in the next section.

From a tantric perspective, when we are having sex we are cultivating sexual energy. Different systems call this energy by different names, such as “life force energy,” “chi” or “prana,” but the understanding is the same. This is the powerful energy that animates our bodies as well as the physical forms of all of the diverse and beautiful life we see on our planet.

Usually when men have sex or masturbate, this energy builds in the groin area, and as it continues to grow and has nowhere to go, it leaves the body via ejaculation. While there is nothing wrong with this experience, the tantric approach to sex and life shows us that there are incredible things we can do with this potent energy, both inside and outside of the bedroom, when we learn to cultivate it and work with it.

During the massage, I’ll encourage you to use a breathing practice that will help you circulate your sexual energy through your entire nervous system and body. To do this practice, you simply place your awareness at you groin, and on a single inhale, you slowly breathe your sexual energy up your spine to your brain, and slowly exhale the energy back down the spine to the groin. Here is an overview:

Step 1: Place your awareness on your groin.

Step 2: Slowly inhale the energy up your spine to your brain.

Step 3: Slowly exhale the energy down your spine to your groin.

You can do this practice the entire massage if you’d like, but I encourage you try it in the moments you feel your libido rise, and especially to try it when we begin the genital massage. If you don’t happen to feel the energy, that’s ok! You can instead just easily breath your awareness up from your groin to your brain, then exhale your awareness down the spine back to the groin.

In order for this practice to work, it’s ok to not feel the energy, and it’s even ok to not believe in the energy! Just simply breathe your awareness, and be honest with yourself about your experience: notice how doing the practice makes your body feel, and just be observant about any changes you may notice.

There are many reasons we learn to circulate our sexual energy through our bodies. First, feeding all of our bodies this potent energy is a practice for improving physical health. It is also a practice for improving mental cognition, as we’re also sending the energy to our brains. In many systems of meditation, and even in parts of contemporary science, it is believed that the human psyche is generated by the entire body, and not just the brain. So when we breathe the energy through our bodies, we are also sweeping it through the layers of our minds, energizing and opening ourselves up to deeper experiences of connection and transcendence.

Additional benefits of this practice include improved orgasm control, more powerful orgasms that engage the whole body, and an improved awareness and control of your sexual energy. In tantra, we work to cultivate a healthy relationship with our sexual energy and to use it as a tool. When we are less aware of our sexual energy, it can end up using us by having us impulsively engage in sexual activities.

At every point during the massage your boundaries will be honored with enthusiasm. It is my highest goal to make a safe container for you during the massage so that you can fully relax, let go, and connect with yourself while I act as your guide. In order to achieve this goal, I ask that you share any boundaries that you have with me before the massage begins (such as places or ways you may prefer to not be touched). Also, please tell me if you have any physical injuries I should know about before massaging you. If something feels uncomfortable or off during the massage, please let me know immediately, and we can readjust.

Also, know that you are safe from any judgments from me about your body or “performance.” I happily work with all bodies, and am never expecting your body to perform in any particular way. Whether you never become erect during the massage, or you ejaculate as soon as I lay a hand on you, it’s all absolutely ok, and I can provide you with a pleasurable, connected experience nonetheless. Many times we get ideas from porn about how our bodies should respond during sex, and these can often be works of fiction. It’s a myth that for sex to be good that: everyone needs to stay hard the entire time, that all parties must ejaculate but only after a long session, that penetration is required, that the penis size must be huge, and so on. It’s absolutely the case that you can have some of the best sex of your life without meeting any of these requirements! Also, once you free yourself (and your partners) from these expectations, usually your anxiety lessens and you’re able to have a better, more connected, liberated, and pleasurable experience.

So you are not in your head and wondering about my boundaries during the massage (you should be focused on your body instead), I will share them with you here. I am completely open to some mutual touch and holding during the massage. However, I ask that you not kiss me or any part of my body, and that you not intentionally touch, hold, or caress my genitals. As I do the massage naked and will be quite physically close to you, you will likely feel my genitals sweep over parts of your body at different times. Still, I ask that you do not intentionally reach for them. Also, if you get into a place where you are enjoying touching my body, please remember that the point of the massage is to help you connect with yourself as deeply as possible. So, while touching me, don’t lose awareness of your own body. Notice how touching my body makes your body (and even your emotions) feel.

This might feel like a lot of information, but don’t worry! The process for the tantric massage is actually incredibly simple. Here are the steps for getting the most out of your session:

1. Feel your body

2. Keep yourself relaxed

3. Breathe the energy through your body

4. Enjoy the ride!

If you have any questions or doubts, please message me using the “Live Chat” feature on the bottom right corner.